go to your happy place

man, this blog is neglected… i feel like some sort of blog social services department is going to come shut me down.

it’s gotten a lot hotter in new york since my last post, and a lot more complicated. i’m trying to get up the balls to quit my job and dive head first into unemployment. i didn’t fare that well the first time, but i’m hoping it was because that joblessness was imposed on me and not self-imposed. and because it was the ides of march.

so i’ve been trying to conjure up some ’safe places’ for my mind to go when things get dark. You know, like they tell you to do at the doctor’s office when you’re about to get a shot. Actually, for total transparency, I had to do this recently in the ER for an unexplained brain spasm. the man nurse told me to ‘go to a happy place’ while i got my head scanned by a giant machine…and the whole thing struck me as having a greater purpose.

the odd thing is that my brain surprised me with where it went when ‘happy place’ was called up – not the sunny tropical beach or exotic locale that i was anticipating. instead two memories that probably never would have resurfaced:

first one is back to when i was studying in france. I spent a day exploring new areas of the city and ended up at the Musee D’orsay, impressionist floor. As a slowly wandered the room, reading the blurbs on the wall explaining the Manets and Degas, I saw a very stylish French grandmother with her adorably French grandson. As they circled the room, she explained every piece to him. I only picked up bits and pieces of what she was saying, but it seemed so wonderful. Like the epitome of culture. Why France is superior to America. All playing out right before my eyes.

the second ‘happy place’ memory is about as unrelated to the first as could be. I’m back in Wisconsin where I grew up, and it’s summer and I’m about 7. the age when being out of school for the summer feels like an eternity, and every day is a perfect blend of adventure and boredom. on most of summer days if the weather was right, my mom would take me, my siblings and our neighborhood posse down to the pool.  And i can remember seeing big trucks overflowing with green beans heading out of town, going to “factory”. And those big trucks of green beans symbolized the heart of summer. The way tossled corn signaled the end. And i miss those signs. really connected to earth and nature. i love new york, but here my signs are artificial and man-made. so my happy place goes to simpler times when i could look out the window and see a bean truck and know that all was right with the world.

I’m going to keep exploring these memories. Hopefully more random, ‘happy place’ thoughts come to the surface to get me through the road ahead. And I want to hear other people’s unexpected ‘happy place thoughts’.  because i’m curious to know if other people’s brains take them to deep, forgotten places. And because i never have anyone comment on my wall. share….